Hi there, friends!
You might have noticed my disappearance from Instagram and my blog for 5 months. Then, I hit you with HUGE news this week! 😀
-See this post if you’re not sure what I’m referring to.-
There has been a lot going on, and I’m sharing it all with you here in this blog post!
-Be sure to grab your wine and cheese. . . or ice cream!
Let’s start from the beginning. Through the year 2020, I became more open about mental wellness. My anxiety (along with so many others) was at an all-time high. My job was on the line, we were quarantined in our house, I was venturing into starting my own business, and trying to maintain my blog while keeping the creativity alive. Things were going okay at first. Then, my position at my 9-5 began to diminish. My hours were cut in half, which means so was my pay. I remained positive, (on the outside) hoping this was only a temporary thing. On the inside, my anxiety was being fed Miracle Grow. Blogging and sharing outfits and lifestyle faves with you has been a fun & creative highlight in my life. I was able to do most of those things through my 9-5 income. The thought of having this creative outlet taken away made me so sad.
Before undergoing these huge life circumstances, Richie and I had been seriously discussing starting to grow our family. A more fun and heartwarming topic. 🙂 Towards the end of 2020, we began visiting doctors and getting check-ups.
In November of 2020, we were given some news that was hard to believe. After running some tests, we were told that it would be “nearly impossible” for us to get pregnant on our own. (For privacy purposes, I’m leaving specific details out). We never imagined this being our reality. We were shocked and in disbelief.
We started to make lifestyle changes to help us defy those odds. We ate cleaner, changed out items in our home and in our daily routines that we found could be toxic, focused on decreasing inflammation in our bodies, worked out regularly, and took specific supplements. Along this journey, some other doctors we saw told us that we could definitely still get pregnant naturally and to keep trying on our own before moving on to special (and expensive) fertility procedures. So, while we continued our new mindful routines, we didn’t give up hope!
(Leave a comment below if you want more details about our journey to becoming pregnant and I’ll do a separate blog post on this topic!) –
At the beginning of 2021, we were still getting some things checked out. You may remember when I went through wearing a Holter Monitor and getting an Echocardiogram of my heart due to palpitations I’ve had since I was little. Everything we got checked out ended up being normal, benign, and a-okay. Thank goodness!!
Then, towards the middle of January, something happened. I got let go from my job. . .
While you’d think this would be something to cause even more stress, it actually created the opposite for me. I immediately felt this huge release of soo much built-up anxiety. Many factors lead to that build-up that I won’t get into, but that release was an amazing feeling. I remember one day while I was doing a morning jog, tears started streaming down my face. I wasn’t even sure why except that it felt like an emotional release my body needed. Needless to say, my anxiety was not only affecting me mentally. It had without a doubt contributed to a lot of my physical symptoms.
After losing my 9-5, blogging came to a sudden halt. I was no longer in a place to buy things to share with you/blog about, and I started to feel inadequate as a content blogger. This doesn’t have to be the case for someone in my position. “Where there is a will, there is a way”, and I truly believe that. For me, I was in a state of life-reevaluation. Some huge life changes were happening, including us trying for a baby! I needed some time to sit with it all and process my thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs.
After follow-up appointments with my doctor and concluding that my physical symptoms were a result of my chronic anxiety, he recommended I try therapy. I’ve always been a therapy advocate, but I never committed to going myself.
I’ve now had therapy sessions since February and I love it as much as I knew I would. It’s seriously a luxury! (As long as you have a good therapist). Understandably, it was a little nerve-wracking at first. But, once I realized I was in a safe space to discuss my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, it gave me so much validation and peace. I began looking forward to each session!
-ON TO THE TOPIC OF BABY!-
This was a sensitive topic for me at the beginning of this year. After the shocking news, we were given in November that nobody is prepared to hear, then being told the exact opposite. . . well, it was an emotional rollercoaster. We officially started trying in January. In February, I happened to know the exact day I was ovulating. So, we felt our chances were high!
In March, I found out I wasn’t pregnant and was devastated. That’s when I realized, we really could potentially have a hard time getting pregnant naturally. With this knowledge dangling in front of me, I became fully aware that growing our family and becoming a Mom was one of my biggest desires in life.
Temporarily, I became okay with our reality due to some things I needed to have done that month. Such as, getting vaccinated and a scheduled root canal. The funny thing is I had my doctor and my therapist tell me that “It’s always when you think you aren’t or won’t get pregnant that it happens”. . . I wasn’t so sure I could trust this.
We continued trying through March but were more relaxed about it. We didn’t time it exactly as we did in February.
Fast forward a bit. . .
It was the middle of April on a Tuesday and I noticed I was spotting. . . or was I starting? I just knew it was my time of the month saying she was on her way. . . but it wasn’t normal. I told myself just to give it time and decided if I hadn’t started by Thursday morning I would take a pregnancy test. The next day the same thing, more spotting.
Thursday morning I still hadn’t started. I can remember all the feelings I had that morning like it was yesterday. I was anxious, excited, scared for another let-down, but still hopeful. After Richie left for work I got out of bed, got dressed, and as I was shaking with anticipation I situated my phone to record my reaction. I was NOT expecting what I saw. Before I could even set the pregnancy test down I thought I saw a line beginning to form!!!! I just knew my eyes were fooling me. I got up in a hurry and before taking a close look at the test I turned the camera on.
I held the test inches away from my face and let out a huge gasp! Much to my surprise, it was POSITIVE!!!! I. Was. SHOCKED! (Video recording coming soon)!
I never expected to see a positive pregnancy test but there it was!
I could not wait to tell Richie!! I immediately started planning how I was going to tell him and our families. The best part about sharing the news is that no one suspected it and everyone was completely surprised!
The next day, Friday, I told Richie when he got home from work. It was so nice having the weekend together letting it set in.
We decided to wait to tell our families until after our first doctor appointment confirming everything was okay. That wait was BRUTAL! It was an entire month before they scheduled us to come in.
The day after Mother’s Day we got to see our baby for the first time and hear the heartbeat. It was unbelievable that what we were witnessing was inside of me! (Sometimes, it’s still hard to wrap my head around)! And that something so small could have a heartbeat already! Our baby on the ultrasound was only the size of a kidney bean. Yet the flickering heartbeat was clearly visible. Richie and I held hands in that dark room watching our sweet baby on the screen that lit up our faces. It was the most special and magical moment.
We would have loved to share the news with everyone immediately after that. But, we were all going on a Florida trip together for a family wedding that weekend. We didn’t want to take away from their special day so we waited until my birthday weekend (a couple of weeks later) to share the news with our family and friends. (Video recordings coming soon)!
A lot has happened since then. . . The upcoming weekend after sharing the news with everyone was Richie’s 40th Birthday! I planned a surprise birthday party and created a special birthday video for him. We found out the gender of our baby at our gender reveal. (More details & content on this coming soon)! I’ve entered my second trimester. We’ve heard our baby’s heartbeat a total of 3 times now. We’ve started on the baby’s nursery. (More content on this coming soon)! And we will be heading to our big anatomy scan appointment this coming week! ahhhh!!
(Let me know in the comments below if you’d like me to do a separate post talking about all my first trimester details)!
I can’t believe we are almost halfway through this pregnancy! Time has flown so far! I just know it will pick up the pace even more as we enter into Fall and the Holiday season! -Which I’m swooning over!- It’s seriously crazy how close we are getting to meeting our sweet baby! Eeek!!
So, these last 5 months have been filled with growth, wonderful news, and unforgettable memories. We’ve been occupied with trying to grow a healthy baby. And we’ve been making a few changes around our home to accommodate our sweet little one, who will be here before we know it!!
Now that I’ve written a complete novel, props to making it this far if you’re still reading(!), I’m going to end this post here. There will be lots more content coming your way!
I’m so grateful for your support through this exciting journey and can’t thank you enough for being here!
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Let me know in the comment section below if you’re more excited to find out our baby’s gender OR to see some reaction videos?!?
Ask any questions you have below and I’ll be happy to answer in the comments and/or in future blog posts!
Can’t wait to share more of this journey with you!
Love always,
Shop My Look. . .
